Lawyer Jokes

Disorder in the Court! - Read on..
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down a..

A man and his Alligator - Read on..
A man and his alligator walk into a bar and the man asks, "Does this bar serve lawyers?""Of course we do," replied the bartender."Great..

My dad's a Lawyer - Read on..
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked ..

Lawyer in a car wreck - Read on..
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden a..

Old dying lawyer - Read on..
A stingy old lawyer was on his deathbed. He instructed his wife to fill two large pillowcases with money thinking he could pick them up..

Lawyers and sperm - Read on..
What do a lawyer and sperm have in common?They both have a one in a million chance of being human...

5000 dead lawyers - Read on..
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A good start!..

dying woman needs brain - Read on..
A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor th..

Dead lawyer's grave - Read on..
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car..

billy's father is a lawyer - Read on..
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother d..

Lawyer vs Physician - Read on..
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence.They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows:"Let..

a thief and his lawyer - Read on..
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to ..

half of everything - Read on..
Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it.A genie pops out. He says, "I will gr..

Lawyer Means... - Read on..
What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician...

Have a Drink - Read on..
Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.They collide and a f..

Two lawyers walking through the woods - Read on..
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a p..

Lawyer Statue - Read on..
One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. ..

The Godfather - Read on..
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant.The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's..

Cement - Read on..
Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?A: not enough cement..

Catfish vs. Lawyer - Read on..
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish.....

Attack Dog - Read on..
A man wanted a big, verocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to..

Lawyer Sky Diving - Read on..
What do you call a sky-diving club for lawyers?Skeet...

So cold - Read on..
It was so cold last week I saw a Lawyer with his hands in his own pockets !..

Lawyer's Birthday Gift - Read on..
What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?Briefs!! ha!ha!..

Can't take it with you - Read on..
Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact. When one ..

Lawyer, police man, doctor - Read on..
3 dudes die a lawyer, police man, and a doctorat the pearly gates the police man walks up 2 saint peter and says "I have put criminals ..

Brain Store - Read on..
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerr..

How Lawyers Do It - Read on..
Lawyers do it with appeal.Lawyers do it confidentially.Lawyers do it on a trial basis.Lawyers do it until justice prevails.Lawyers do i..