At Work

Proffessional Acquantance - Read on..
A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical duringintermis..

Returning from her vacation... - Read on..
Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked fo..

Not so fast! - Read on..
Like a lot of young women these days, one of our secretaries had worked long and hard to put her boyfriend through college. After he ..

Why I Fired My Secretary - Read on..
Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,"I'm another year older," but dec..

The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver... - Read on..
The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voic..

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning... - Read on..
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him..

God Meets Bureaucracy - Read on..
God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to fil..

Jim will not be in today. He is not feeling himself. Thank you. - Read on..
"Jim will not be in today. He is not feeling himself. Thank you."THIS MEANS:1. He doesn't feel the way he usually does.2. He is not i..

The boss called one of his employees into the office... - Read on..
The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the..

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day... - Read on..
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gav..

Smart decision - Read on..
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They..

A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste... - Read on..
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He dec..

I am looking for a job as a consultant... - Read on..
Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants."Applicant: "That's ..

Understanding Your Paycheck - Read on..
Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222.02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244.40 ..

So my sister, a natural blond... - Read on..
So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that since Micro..

A man was being interviewed for a job... - Read on..
A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer. "Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant. ..

Rejection Letter Reject - Read on..
Rejection Letter RejectEver wonder what to do when those rejection letters start pilingup? Well here's a suggestion:- - - - - - - - - ..

Retire Aged Personell Early - Read on..
Retire Aged Personell EarlyTO ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEESFROM GOVERNING BOREDDATE 22 APR 19861. As a result of the HAYZE misman..

How Shit Happens - Read on..
How Shit HappensIn the Beginning was The PlanAnd then came the AssumptionsAnd the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was complet..

Tactfullness - Read on..
The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead..

Reaching the end of a job interview... - Read on..
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person askeda young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were ..

Why you should learn to use algebra . . . - Read on..
Why you should learn to use algebra . . . After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can ..

Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at work... - Read on..
Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunc..

A customer sent an order to a distributor... - Read on..
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount ofgoods totaling a great deal of money.The distributor noticed that the pr..

Two Italian construction workers... - Read on..
Two Italian construction workers were in the field on anextremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "heyhow come we do all a ..

Some things never change - Read on..
I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage,..

Wrong floor - Read on..
Two accountants were discussing a colleague's interest in one of the firm's new secretaries. "I just don't get it." said one. "She's an..

A middle manager is called into his bosses office... - Read on..
A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by..

Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Are Not - Read on..
Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't I need you to whip it out by 5:00! Mind if I use your laptop? Put this in my box..

Saving the situation - Read on..
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell hap..

Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary... - Read on..
Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his..

After working together for a while... - Read on..
After working together for a while, Dick and Jane's office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. On..

Bank Teller - Read on..
Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I want to open a fucking checking account". "Ple..

The crusty old managing partner finally passed away... - Read on..
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm sorry, he..

A very modest lady applied for a job... - Read on..
A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time ..

Calling in Sick.... - Read on..
Calling in Sick.... A Cat Owner's Story Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness,..

As the end of the day drew near... - Read on..
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know what time we qui..

Equally qualified - Read on..
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both ap..

The most painful part - Read on..
A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the ..

The Yuppette had risen to executive level... - Read on..
The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted his wife a..

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him... - Read on..
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change."I've got a..

Three envelopes - Read on..
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and..

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve... - Read on..
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Ca..

Time to quit - Read on..
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. "Do youknow what t..

Does anyone know what would happen if the earth... - Read on..
Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster thanit does today ??We would get our paycheck everyday, and all..

When the staff goes out after work, they talk about... - Read on..
When the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball.When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis..

There are thousands of sex phone lines for men... - Read on..
There are thousands of sex phone lines for men but only a few for women.This is because if a women wants someone to talk dirty to her s..

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president... - Read on..
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice presidenthad finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back ofhis le..

Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding... - Read on..
Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulanc..

Several weeks after a young man had been hired... - Read on..
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the ..

Advisor on sexual matters - Read on..
The drinker announced to the bartender, "It seems I've been informally named advisor on 'Sexual Matters' at my company.""That sounds in..

When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher... - Read on..
When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs ..

Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one... - Read on..
Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to ge..

A man was interviewing for a sales representative... - Read on..
A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate wouldhave been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerti..

Jon starts working in a lumber camp... - Read on..
Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, "We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and..

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad... - Read on..
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man wh..

It had taken him several months, but the executive... - Read on..
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice presidenthad finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the backof his le..

NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE - Read on..
NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language dur..

Brain or muscles? - Read on..
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of ..

It's not a big deal, but it feels good - Read on..
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red ..

Latex factory - Read on..
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures..

A bus station is where a bus stops... - Read on..
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where atrain stops. On my desk, I have a work station.....

The organization is like a tree full of monkeys... - Read on..
The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on differentlimbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.The..

Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girls... - Read on..
Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girlsin the office had removed their clothes and were lying on the floor naked. She lost..

Duties will be the same - Read on..
As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's stunning, blonde staffers was transferred to an obscure base in Uta..

What does it mean when the flag at the... - Read on..
What does it mean when the flag at thePost Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring...

A responsible applicant - Read on..
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible." Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every timean..

A small analogy - Read on..
Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.It's done on a very high level.There's a lot of stomping and screaming invol..

The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss... - Read on..
The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person ..

When does a person decide to become an accountant? - Read on..
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?A: When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an unde..

A suitable transplant - Read on..
A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says..

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English... - Read on..
Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she wa..

Some professions - Read on..
Some professionsA psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.A professor is one who talks in..

Sleep well - Read on..
Life Insurance Agent:Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know wha..

A succession of generations - Read on..
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his..

A man goes to his bank manager and says... - Read on..
A man goes to his bank manager and says "I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?"The bank manager leans back and clasp..

The Perverse Guide To Getting Hired - Read on..
The Perverse Guide To Getting HiredChapter 1 - The Resume Your resume is a crucial document that summarises theessence of your bein..

BOSSES & TECHNOLOGY - Read on..
BOSSES & TECHNOLOGYBoss: "My laptop computer is locked up. Can you help?"Dilbert: "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shak..

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time... - Read on..
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time..

Doing the job right - Read on..
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security..

Your hair smells nice - Read on..
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's offic..

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? - Read on..
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burnout, ..

How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van? - Read on..
How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass...

Work Environment - Read on..
Work Environment: (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION(Dumb manager) + (Wise employe..

How do you know if your secretary?s having a bad day? - Read on..
How do you know if your secretary?s having a bad day?Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil..

The company president called the chief security guard... - Read on..
The company president called the chief security guard into his office. "Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees tha..

How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse... - Read on..
Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit...

Did you hear about the welfare doll? - Read on..
Did you hear about the welfare doll?You wind it up and it doesn't work...

What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk? - Read on..
What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time...

Telegram received from ex-employee - Read on..
Telegram received from ex-employee:"Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard I - Read on..
George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard INever walk down the hall without a document in yourhands. People with documents in their hands..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard II - Read on..
Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer,it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send andreceive personal e..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard III - Read on..
Messy desk. Top management can get away with a cleandesk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not workinghard enough. Build huge p..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard IV - Read on..
Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voicemail. People don't call you just because they want to giveyou something for nothin..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard V - Read on..
Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to GeorgeCostanza, one should also always try to look impatientand annoyed to give your bosses..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard VI - Read on..
Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late,especially when the boss is still around. You could readmagazines and storybooks that..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard VII - Read on..
Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there aremany people around, giving the impression that you arevery hard pressed...

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard VIII - Read on..
Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots ofdocuments on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. .Can always borrow from ..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard IX - Read on..
Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines andpick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely whenin conversation wit..

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard X - Read on..
MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward any of this to your boss by mistake!!!..

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing... - Read on..
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potentialemployee's application and notices that the man has neverworked in retail ..

The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina... - Read on..
The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina was appointed postmaster. Over six months went by and not one piece of mail lef..

Mrs. Jones is having her house painted... - Read on..
Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comeshome from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, s..

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring... - Read on..
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierandwas down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.The f..

Tough sell - Read on..
Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesmanwas unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to f..

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has... - Read on..
A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just takento work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your sec..

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day... - Read on..
The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, Iknow..

Corporate Christmas - Read on..
***************************************************** CHRISTMAS PARTY**************************************************..

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together... - Read on..
Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, "Last week was one of the worst w..

What marketing is - Read on..
Now I understand what marketing is:You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: "I am very good in..

Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went... - Read on..
Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test.Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbi..

The Perfect Worker - Read on..
The Perfect Worker1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, wit..

New Lumberjack - Read on..
A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked ashard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three..

Welfare office - Read on..
A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would rea..

More than a hundred percent - Read on..
Have you all stopped to think where you fit in this equation? From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100..

Holiday accomodations - Read on..
Long, but really funny...from a Company in USA. DATE: October 01, 2003RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that..

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping... - Read on..
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried c..

Downsizing - Read on..
Boss: (to employee) Experts say that humor on the job relieves tension inthis time of down-sizing. Knock, knock.Employee: Who's there?B..