Animal World

How To Give Your Cat a Pill - Read on..
How To Give Your Cat a Pill 1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a b..

Man and wife at the zoo - Read on..
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sle..

Hungry Snake - Read on..
Hungry Snake Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then hehappen..

A veterinarian surgeon... - Read on..
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a l..

Tarzania - Read on..
What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"What does Tarzan say w..

Tarzania II - Read on..
What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?An elephant is grey.What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the d..

Elephants - Read on..
How do you get four elephants into a Mini?Two in the front, two in the back...

Elephants II - Read on..
What game do four elephants in a mini play?Squash..

Elephants III - Read on..
How do you get an elephant into the fridge?1. Open door.2. Insert elephant.3. Close door.How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?1. Op..

Elephants IV - Read on..
How do you get an elephant out of the water?Wet.How do you get two elephants out of the water?One by one...

Elephants V - Read on..
Why do elephants live in herds?To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles...

Elephants VI - Read on..
How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch"...

Elephants VII - Read on..
What do you do when an elephant comes through the window?Swim for it.....

Elephants VIII - Read on..
What has two grey legs and two brown legs?An elephant with diarrhea.What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?Lots of room!..

Elephants IX - Read on..
Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to ..

How to Catch a White Elephant - Read on..
How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian JensenGo to a..

The best book on elephants - Read on..
The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best bookon elephants.The British submited a dry historical account "The..

Top 15 Household Pet Dishes - Read on..
Top 15 Household Pet Dishes15> Angelfish Cake14> Hamster and Cheese on Rye13> Chow Chow Mein12> Bran Muffy11> Eggs BenjiDict10> Yorkies..

A miserable rooster - Read on..
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What the hel..

A horse and a rabbit - Read on..
A horse and a rabbit A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into amud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbi..

A dog walks into a butcher shop... - Read on..
A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around hisneck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it'shis ..

Punishment that fits the crime - Read on..
Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is apoodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane.The poodl..

Pray hard - Read on..
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only knowhow to sa..

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck... - Read on..
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little mon..

A little girl was out with her Grandmother... - Read on..
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What are they doing, Gra..

German Shepard on Golf Course - Read on..
German Shepard on Golf Course A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in th..

Footless Parrot - Read on..
Footless Parrot A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pe..

A dangerous job - Read on..
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds ..

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS - Read on..
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry..

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle... - Read on..
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and b..

A robber was robbing a house... - Read on..
A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. "Jesus is watching you!" "who's there?" The robber said But no sound was heard...

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking... - Read on..
Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, "I play with mouse tr..

A blind man is standing at the corner... - Read on..
A blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses ..

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement... - Read on..
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by w..

Wife comes home to find the old man... - Read on..
Wife comes home to find the old man humping the dog in the front room. "My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman ..

A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar... - Read on..
A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a b..

Did you hear about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? - Read on..
Did you hear about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? He could run as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as fast...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says... - Read on..
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the bartender. "If i show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen,..

What are the five reasons for not wanting to be an egg? - Read on..
What are the five reasons for not wanting to be an egg ? 1) You only get laid once. 2) You only get eaten once. 3) It takes you s..

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole... - Read on..
Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sit..

Laboratory Rabbit Freedom - Read on..
Laboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he..

A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus... - Read on..
A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN'T..

Want some chicken? - Read on..
Want some chicken? A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the..

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow... - Read on..
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and ge..

With best intentions - Read on..
As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for mon..

Excerpts from the rural life - Read on..
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster a..

A man in a state of excessive inebriation... - Read on..
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth ope..

Almost no diffenrence - Read on..
"What's the difference between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the zookeeper."The pri..

You know why a dog licks his ass? - Read on..
You know why a dog licks his ass?Because he knows in five minutes he'll be licking your face...

The talking dog - Read on..
A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," hesaid. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour sa..

Beware of dog! - Read on..
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign sayingDANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he no..

This man goes into the doctor with his... - Read on..
This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state,really bad now.Doctor: "What happened to you?"He says: "I was in Af..

A woman was thinking about finding a pet... - Read on..
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep hercompany at home.She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; itwould..

A duck walks into a general store... - Read on..
A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,"Gotany fresh fruit?""No.""Got any fresh vegetables?""No. We have only canned an..

Two guys go hunting... - Read on..
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe hashunted all his life.When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe ..

How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg? - Read on..
How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg?Pick him up and start sucking his dick...

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years... - Read on..
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years andtells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig evers..

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? - Read on..
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?"Dam"...

Where do you find a no legged dog? - Read on..
Where do you find a no legged dog?Right where you left him...

Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster? - Read on..
Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster?So it doesn't explode when you fuck it...

A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog... - Read on..
A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog.He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & aroundhis head.The dr..

A New York boy was being led through the swamps... - Read on..
A New York boy was being led through the swamps ofLouisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won'tattack you if you carry a..

Good business - Read on..
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. Hesurpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to himaf..

If I have a rooster and you have a donkey... - Read on..
If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bitesoff my roosters feet, what do you have? Two feet of my cock in your ..

What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other? - Read on..
What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other? Gee, we really do taste like chicken...

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? - Read on..
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? Eight beers...

How do you give a cowboy a hard-on? - Read on..
How do you give a cowboy a hard-on?Moooo-ooo-ooo..

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost... - Read on..
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out.He had not eaten anythin..

Why do elephants have 4 feet? - Read on..
Why do elephants have 4 feet? -Because 4 inches isn't enough...

Two men were walking along the street when... - Read on..
Two men were walking along the street when they cameupon a dog licking his dick.One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." The other ..

Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts... - Read on..
Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of theirherd simultaneously. One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says,"I he..

Have you ever smelled moth balls? - Read on..
Have you ever smelled moth balls? - How did you get their little legs apart?..

What has two legs and bleeds? - Read on..
What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog...

What does an elephant use as a vibrator? - Read on..
What does an elephant use as a vibrator? An epilectic...

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? - Read on..
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ? - Because it was dead. Why did the baby fall out of the tree ? - Because it was sta..

Why does a cow wear a bell? - Read on..
Why does a cow wear a bell?Because his horns are broke!..

How do you catch a polar bear? - Read on..
How do you catch a polar bear?Answer: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the ho..

Snake joke - Read on..
First snake:I hope I'm not poisonous.Second snake:Why?First snake:Because I bit my lip!..

Instructions on how to Colect a Beaker of Cats Urine - Read on..
This is, like, so dumb...Instructions on how to Colect a Beaker of Cat's Urine 1.Treat the beaker like your most prized possession. ..

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo... - Read on..
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.They are standing in front of the big silverback gorillas cage, when one woman makes agestu..

A gruesome murder - Read on..
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker barin the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err,which of you gentlemen owns th..

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam... - Read on..
There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam.It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population..

What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? - Read on..
What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? Fucks funny!..

Did you hear about the guy that entered his dog at Crufts? - Read on..
Did you hear about the guy that entered his dog at Crufts? He got 16 months...

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order... - Read on..
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following senten..

Did you know elephants have sex organs on their feet? - Read on..
Did you know elephants have sex organs on their feet? They step on you and you're screwedSent by D.L.Chapin..

Bying a horse - Read on..
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend"I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buya horse, I'm..

There were two guys walking down the street... - Read on..
There were two guys walking down the streetand they saw a dog licking his nuts.One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that".Then ..

Why do gorillas have big noses? - Read on..
Why do gorillas have big noses? Because they have big fingers...

How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager Style - Read on..
How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager StyleSenior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based onthe assumption that elephants ar..

How to Hunt Elephants -- QA Style - Read on..
How to Hunt Elephants -- QA StyleQuality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and lookfor mistakes the other hunters made when the..

How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style - Read on..
How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales StyleSalespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their timeselling elephants they haven't caught, for de..

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip... - Read on..
On preparing to return home from an out of town trip,this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.Not having time to get the pap..

Two neighbors had been fighting each other... - Read on..
Two neighbors had been fighting each other fornigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane andteaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's y..

There were two cats that enjoyed running together... - Read on..
There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three.The other was french and called Un-d..

Pet owners - Read on..
There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guywith a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinschersays to the guy with a Chihuahua, '..

What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle? - Read on..
What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle?"Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!"..

There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river... - Read on..
There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lioncame by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, "Howfunny would ..

An elephant... - Read on..
An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, "How do you breathe out of that thing?"Sent by abu dahbi..

A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot... - Read on..
A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for hisbirthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitudedue to the influence o..

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? - Read on..
Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A. Two. But I have no idea how they get in there...

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona... - Read on..
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he noticesthat the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dr..

What do you get when you cross a Rooster with an owl? - Read on..
What do you get when you cross a Rooster with an owl?A Cock that can stay up all night!!..

At an auction - Read on..
During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placeda winning bid told the auctioneer, "I'm paying a fortunefor that parrot. I hope..

Some cows view each day as the last roundup... - Read on..
Some cows view each day as the last roundup,others, merely as another opportunity to stampede.Most cows view the new day as an exciting..

Persistency Act - Read on..
A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and noone is there. He looks all around and he finally sees alittle snail sitting..

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? - Read on..
Here's a sad one...Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? A: A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole...

A man takes his dog for a walk in the park... - Read on..
A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he's there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just p..

Stuttering animal - Read on..
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that aninteresting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, n..

My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of... - Read on..
My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult timeachieving an orgasm.The Dr said "which position do you use?""D..

What's the worst thing about washing your cat? - Read on..
Q: What's the worst thing about washing your cat?A: Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards...

I think Rover is getting a bit old... - Read on..
"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf.""Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll getthe s..

An irresolvable problem - Read on..
A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged."Have you al..

Why does a dog lick his balls? - Read on..
Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can't make a fist...

Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? - Read on..
Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?Because they can...

What's brown and crispy on the outside... - Read on..
What's brown and crispy on the outside, and white and creamy on the inside? A cockroach...

A man running a little behind schedule arrives... - Read on..
A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his ey..

What came first, the chicken or the egg? - Read on..
What came first, the chicken or the egg? - I'd have to say it was the rooster!..

A horse walks into a bar... - Read on..
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says: "So, why the long face?"..

How do you make a cat drink? - Read on..
How do you make a cat drink?1 cat2 lemonsVodkaMix then serve..

An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing... - Read on..
An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water."That way," he said, "You get an extr..

Nice, but rough - Read on..
An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horseflykept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do abo..

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance... - Read on..
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the antwakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn", says the ant, "one ni..

A fair warning - Read on..
Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, thelargest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 ..

There were two cows in a paddock... - Read on..
There were two cows in a paddock, enjoying the sun and eating some grass. The first cow said "Moo."And the second cow said "That's funn..

Two cows were talking in the field one day... - Read on..
Two cows were talking in the field one day.First Cow: Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?Second Cow: Yeah, ma..

What's green and has wheels? - Read on..
What's green and has wheels?A FrogI lied about the wheels..

I like monkeys - Read on..
This was originally posted in rec.sport.pro-wrestlingDate: 1999/03/04Author: briang68g@gearthlink.netI like monkeys. The pet store was ..

A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly... - Read on..
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs..

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly... - Read on..
Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them.One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast th..

Why did the cactus cross the road? - Read on..
Why did the cactus cross the road?It was stuck to the dumb chickenSent by Robbie..

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet... - Read on..
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "lets ..

A talking horse - Read on..
A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes.The man had just closed his eyes when a horse c..

The essential difference - Read on..
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.In surpr..

A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel... - Read on..
A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a ..

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office... - Read on..
A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out ablank form and wrote, "Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof...woo..

Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler? - Read on..
Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?It rips off your arm, then runs for help...

A lusty camel - Read on..
A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one litt..

A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them... - Read on..
A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. "What's your name?" she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answer..

An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft... - Read on..
An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little wh..

What are 3 problems about being an egg? - Read on..
What are 3 problems about being an egg?You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your faceis your mother, and it takes 4 minutes..

What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together? - Read on..
Q: What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?A: Bullshit..

What is grey and comes in quarts? - Read on..
What is grey and comes in quarts?An Elephant...

There was once a wide mouth frog... - Read on..
There was once a wide mouth frog. She had babies and she didn't know what to feed them. She went to the cow, talking with her mouth rea..

One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole... - Read on..
One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeinghim there, decides to investigate."Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo..

Did you hear about the blind skunk... - Read on..
Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?..

What do chain saws and monkeys have in common? - Read on..
What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?They both fuck up trees!..

What did the elephant say to the naked man? - Read on..
What did the elephant say to the naked man?That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!..

What do you do when a Rottweiler gets amorous on your leg? - Read on..
What do you do when a Rottweiler gets amorous on your leg?Fake an orgasm...

What's the difference between a bull and a cow? - Read on..
What's the difference between a bull and a cow?A bull smiles when you milk it...

A Duck walks into a bar... - Read on..
A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread?Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread[After a few minutes]Duck: You got any bread..

A man takes his sick dog to the vet... - Read on..
A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog ontothe the operating table, looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!"The man ..

It's so easy to milk a cow... - Read on..
It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it...

What has four legs and eight arms? - Read on..
Q: What has four legs and eight arms?A: A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area...

Two male flies are buzzing around... - Read on..
Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for goodlooking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on apile of cow shit and dives down..

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot... - Read on..
A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and th..

Two goldfish are in a tank... - Read on..
Two goldfish are in a tank.One said to the other:'Do you know how to drive this thing?'Sent by Claire..

Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't... - Read on..
Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any ducks. "What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his companion. "I dunn..

What do you do with a dog with no legs? - Read on..
What do you do with a dog with no legs?Take it for a drag...

For all animal lovers out there - Read on..
For all animal lovers out there:How do you make a cat go 'woof'? Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. and...How do you make a dog go ..

What has two legs, spots, and bleeds? - Read on..
What has two legs, spots, and bleeds? Half a cheetah...

A farmer comes home with a lively young bull... - Read on..
A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bullshave fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for oldtimes' sak..

A boy and girl octopus out on a date... - Read on..
A boy and girl octopus out on a date walked down the street arm in arm in arm in arm.....

Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other... - Read on..
Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"..

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak? - Read on..
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?A headbanger..

What do you call a dog with no legs? - Read on..
What do you call a dog with no legs?Hehe...it doen't matter, it's not going to come anyway!Sent by Melissa..

What does a lion call a antelope? - Read on..
What does a lion call a antelope?Fast food.Sent by jessica..

Dog washing - Read on..
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the localgrocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked o..

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie... - Read on..
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. "You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably ..

What do you call a sleeping bull? - Read on..
What do you call a sleeping bull?A bulldozer..

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7? - Read on..
What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?The wrong answer...

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots... - Read on..
A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch t..

What do you get if you sleep under a cow? - Read on..
What do you get if you sleep under a cow?A PAT on the head.Sent by Jimmy..

What does an elephant keep up its trunk? - Read on..
What does an elephant keep up its trunk?A Yard 'n' half o' snot!..

I've never understood why women love cats... - Read on..
I've never understood why women love cats.Cats are independent, they don't listen,they don't come in when you call, they liketo stay ou..

What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs? - Read on..
What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?Sparky..

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through... - Read on..
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he ..

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping? - Read on..
Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?Scared the hell out of the dog...

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? - Read on..
Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead...Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead too...Why'd t..

Why does an elephant have four feet? - Read on..
Why does an elephant have four feet?Because it would look silly with six inches...

What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito... - Read on..
What is the last thing to go through the mindof a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?It's ass...

What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle? - Read on..
What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish...

What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel? - Read on..
What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?SparkySent by Shawn..

Perfect customer - Read on..
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.He wrote, "I would very much like to bring ..

A Second Opinion - Read on..
A Second OpinionA man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming forhelp. The vet rushes him back to an examination room an..

This is what should happen to ALL CATS! - Read on..
This is what should happen to ALL CATS..!HOW TO WASH THE CAT1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the..

The Insensitive Gorilla - Read on..
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in frontof the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gest..

What's the difference between a duck and a cow? - Read on..
What's the difference between a duck and a cow? They both swim, except for the cow...

The story with the moral - Read on..
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was ahot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh! If I go ..

Why do elephants paint thier testicles red? - Read on..
A double whammy:Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?So they can hide in cherry trees.What's the loudest noise in the jungle?A Mo..

What's the biggest drawback in the jungle? - Read on..
What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?The Elephants foreskin...

How do you catch an elephant? - Read on..
How do you catch an elephant?First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take aloadof peas and line them up aroun..

An old lady owned two monkeys... - Read on..
An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died,so she took them to the taxodermist."So you want them mounted?" asked the taxider..

Why don't oysters give to charity? - Read on..
Why don't oysters give to charity?Because they're shellfish...

What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps? - Read on..
What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps?Diarrhoea!..