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Fat Man Thinking

My doctor put me on a strict sugar-free diet. I can't even watch Touched By An Angel.

You know it's time to skip a round when you're holding your bowling ball, and you look down and you can't see it!

If God had wanted us to run, instead of a belly button, he would have given us a fast-forward button.

You know you need to do something about your weight when you board an airplane and the flight attendant designates your pot belly as carry-on luggage. I knew I had a problem when I started having to wear control-top turtlenecks.

I'm no couch potato. I'm a recliner potato.

My diet's working. I stepped on my talking bathroom scales last night and for the first time ever they didn't scream. They did on the other hand mention in passing that my feet smelt.

I'm not fat. It's just that my body naturally retains chimichangas.

I have no idea how much I weigh because I can't weigh naked. Without my glasses I can't see the scale.

I'm already two years ahead on my daily fat allowance. I'm looking for skinny people to see if I can borrow theirs.

I've really put on weight. I've gone from pinch-an-inch to rub-a-tub.

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